The more I get used to this whole high school thing the more sense stuff seems to make. The culture I grew up with is all coming back to me the way to eat, talk, walk, and act. The wat no one ever comes in with dire problems that they need their friends help with, and the way everyone pretends to be happy. It's kinda funny actually. The more time I spend at this school with these people the more I realize how wrong this school is for me. The only place where I can be myself is band. And the badn is awesome. Franklin is probably the only school with a band and no band nerds instead a rag tag bunch of people who have the ability to blow into a hunk of metal and make noise, but it's a fun group.
Anyways I have decided that there is one very large difference between Franklin and Washington (my middle school), at Washington my friends noticed right away when just a little something was off, for instance blindly stummbling down the hallway and being generaly pissed off was a dead give away. But at Franklin no one notices, not until you can't muster up fake enthusiasm and you finally just snap at someone and everyone freaks out. Maybe it's just me. Maybe things would just be easier if I just molded to them, if i just put on a smile everyday and pretended to be nice and happy even if inside I feel like crap and just need someone to tell me everything is gonna be alright. Is it selfish to want friends that care? Is it selfish to question the entire established way of life just because I don't like it? They all seem happy enough, but i suppose you never can tell because everyone is just expected to be happy.
So now it's winter break, thank god! But of course now it's this ackward time because I don't celebrate chirstmas, i'm Jewish. My family celebrates the winter solstice instead, but it's still ackward. No one at franklin really gets that either. I think it comes back to the whole being different idea. No one at Franklin is profoundly different. I mean it's not like they're all clones or something, but they're all so similar that it's driving me a little insane.
In conclusion i have concluded that Franklin just isn't the school for me. To normal, to fake, I can't do it, I can't take it. I intend to transver for the rest of my high school career beyond freshmen year. I'll go to Garfield with most of my friends or to Ingraham with some people I know and my boyfriend. BUt importantly I will not go to Franklin, even if it means leaving the band and my 'friends' behind.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Life lessons
High School feels like this weird thing. It's sureal almost. Like this isn't relaly school. Like how I do here isn't going to have the biggest impact on my life ever. Everyday as I walk down the halls and go through the daily routine I feel as if I'm supposed to be learning some sort of life lesson and that I'm just not getting it. But that when I do figure it out everything will go back to the way it was. But then I realise that this it well, life. It's real. And suddenly picking up on some lesson that may or may not be there isn't going to fix anything, I don't think. But it does make things weird.
I have also discovered recently that school would be utterly boring, and unbearable if it weren't for band. It's probably the only class I look forward too. It's a guaranteed good time. Even if there's a test that still means waiting around in a room for a while with my tiny little section who over the last few weeks has become pretty close.
I have also discovered that more than anything I want out. I want to go back to my friends who understand and accept me the way I am, if I can't go back then I want new ones. At Franklin people see me as weird for having high standards and expectations for everything. For questioning things. They don't get the way I function, or my sense of humor. They don't understand me, at all. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends at Franklin, but they're nothing compared to what I had at Washington.
But how do I go through everyday wanting out, half convinced that this isn't real? I have no clue. I talk to my other friends a ton outside of school and try to keep my self busy.
High School sucks. That's all I have to say. And when I find my self a way out, get into another school or something the only thing I'll feel bad about leaving behind is the band, and possibly the soccer team. But them not as much cause Coach is drives me up the wall and it's not like we ever became a tight little family little some teams. I mean yeah we were all friends, we all got along well, but we never got overly close. So I leave you at the end of my first quarter with that. I wish I could tell you better things, but I can't, because if I did I'd be lying, and I hate lying.
I have also discovered recently that school would be utterly boring, and unbearable if it weren't for band. It's probably the only class I look forward too. It's a guaranteed good time. Even if there's a test that still means waiting around in a room for a while with my tiny little section who over the last few weeks has become pretty close.
I have also discovered that more than anything I want out. I want to go back to my friends who understand and accept me the way I am, if I can't go back then I want new ones. At Franklin people see me as weird for having high standards and expectations for everything. For questioning things. They don't get the way I function, or my sense of humor. They don't understand me, at all. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends at Franklin, but they're nothing compared to what I had at Washington.
But how do I go through everyday wanting out, half convinced that this isn't real? I have no clue. I talk to my other friends a ton outside of school and try to keep my self busy.
High School sucks. That's all I have to say. And when I find my self a way out, get into another school or something the only thing I'll feel bad about leaving behind is the band, and possibly the soccer team. But them not as much cause Coach is drives me up the wall and it's not like we ever became a tight little family little some teams. I mean yeah we were all friends, we all got along well, but we never got overly close. So I leave you at the end of my first quarter with that. I wish I could tell you better things, but I can't, because if I did I'd be lying, and I hate lying.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Hello
HiHihihihihihi In case you're wondering I really did just go through all the fonts before deciding with one to use.
Well, anyways, Hello. Welcome to my blog. If you are reading this you are now officialy awesome.That's right I'm talking abotu you, you're awesome. You wanna know why you're awesome? Because you're taking the time out of your busy life to read whatever is currently going through my mind. This makes you awesome, don't question it, just roll with it.
Anyways I am a 14 year old girl and am I currently a freshmen at Franklin High School. Now I bet you're wondering why I'm telling you this. Well it all has to do with why you are here in the first place. This is how it started:
About 2 months ago when I started high school my mom told me that I'm going to have a very unique high school experience, and I should really start a blog about it. Well 2 months later I have realized that my mom is very right. And why is my high school experience so very different from everyone elses? Well, it's simple. I'm white. And why is that important, well Franklin is in South Seattle. South Seattle as maybe you know or maybe you don't is where all the gang issues are, and it's much more diverse than the northend, and there's a lot more poverty. Thing is Franklin is in the South end so my school is at least 80% asian. There are three other white students in most of my classes. So you see, I'm different from them. Really different. And most people never see this sort of thing.
SO now lets go beyond the skin color, we can start with my hair, i have bright blue streaks, and when they fade they turn green. I'm taller than most of my classmates, and generally stronger. I'm a competitive soccer player, and this year as a freshmen I made the varsity team. We may have lost every singe game but i think that was mostly coaches fault. Anyways I went to Washington Middle school, and all of my friends from their went to Garfield high school, I didn't get in. I live to far south. So now every morning I walk over a mile to Franklin.
So this year I started with just a few friends. And well, it's been tough.
If you ask me my classes are to easy. My classmates have me pinned down as the smart white girl. And they've all recognized that when it's time for a debate my side is going to win because i can argue better than any of them. Two of my teachers have told me to look into Franklins nationaly recognized mock trial team, i'm currently trying to get involved in that. I'm also in the only preforming music group at franklin, the Quaker band. We are 36 members strong, five of which are girls, trust me that makes when we're stuck together for hours on end for various reasons very interesting. Anyways, I play the flute for most of the music because there are only 4 of us, and one is just learning, but I play by beloved tenor saxophone on the jazz peices.
Outside of school I try to do a lot of volunteer work, I like going back to Kimball elementary where i graduated from about 3 years ago or so. I also do a lot of babysitting and have become a beloved older person for a lot of little kids. You see, I never really grew up, mentally. I mean yeah I'm smart and stuff but I still think hide n' go seek is like the best invention ever after dinosaur shaped chiken nuggets. And my friends depend on me for my innocence and sense of humor. I tend to get distracted and off topic easily, and I'm pretty sure I have a little ADD or ADHD but I don't really know. But lots of people think i'm pretty hilarious for some reason.
That brings me to someone who's on my mind a lot. That would be my boyfriend. Technically thats what he is, but we're a very disfunctional couple. We now go to different schools, he never bothers to call, and thanks to my lack of patience we're having quite a few issues right now. I kept meaning to break up wiht him but then one day he randomly tells me while I'm right in the middle of trying to win a uno game against a seven year old girl that he loves me. It make sthe whoel mess very complicated and very annoying for someone like me.
So welcome to my world, my life.
That's all i feel like telling you for now, but i do hope you come back and read again, I am a writer at heart so sometimes maybe you'll find my writing sounds a little poetic somedays. depends on my mood really. I hope you'll keep reading because I've always thought it would be cool to have random people i don't know reading about me, thinking about me, and relating to my problems, and possibly offering the advice that my friends never seem to have because at 14 no one else knows what it's like to be the only white kid or have someone you don't exactly love tell you they love you.
So thanks for reading. :)
Well, anyways, Hello. Welcome to my blog. If you are reading this you are now officialy awesome.That's right I'm talking abotu you, you're awesome. You wanna know why you're awesome? Because you're taking the time out of your busy life to read whatever is currently going through my mind. This makes you awesome, don't question it, just roll with it.
Anyways I am a 14 year old girl and am I currently a freshmen at Franklin High School. Now I bet you're wondering why I'm telling you this. Well it all has to do with why you are here in the first place. This is how it started:
About 2 months ago when I started high school my mom told me that I'm going to have a very unique high school experience, and I should really start a blog about it. Well 2 months later I have realized that my mom is very right. And why is my high school experience so very different from everyone elses? Well, it's simple. I'm white. And why is that important, well Franklin is in South Seattle. South Seattle as maybe you know or maybe you don't is where all the gang issues are, and it's much more diverse than the northend, and there's a lot more poverty. Thing is Franklin is in the South end so my school is at least 80% asian. There are three other white students in most of my classes. So you see, I'm different from them. Really different. And most people never see this sort of thing.
SO now lets go beyond the skin color, we can start with my hair, i have bright blue streaks, and when they fade they turn green. I'm taller than most of my classmates, and generally stronger. I'm a competitive soccer player, and this year as a freshmen I made the varsity team. We may have lost every singe game but i think that was mostly coaches fault. Anyways I went to Washington Middle school, and all of my friends from their went to Garfield high school, I didn't get in. I live to far south. So now every morning I walk over a mile to Franklin.
So this year I started with just a few friends. And well, it's been tough.
If you ask me my classes are to easy. My classmates have me pinned down as the smart white girl. And they've all recognized that when it's time for a debate my side is going to win because i can argue better than any of them. Two of my teachers have told me to look into Franklins nationaly recognized mock trial team, i'm currently trying to get involved in that. I'm also in the only preforming music group at franklin, the Quaker band. We are 36 members strong, five of which are girls, trust me that makes when we're stuck together for hours on end for various reasons very interesting. Anyways, I play the flute for most of the music because there are only 4 of us, and one is just learning, but I play by beloved tenor saxophone on the jazz peices.
Outside of school I try to do a lot of volunteer work, I like going back to Kimball elementary where i graduated from about 3 years ago or so. I also do a lot of babysitting and have become a beloved older person for a lot of little kids. You see, I never really grew up, mentally. I mean yeah I'm smart and stuff but I still think hide n' go seek is like the best invention ever after dinosaur shaped chiken nuggets. And my friends depend on me for my innocence and sense of humor. I tend to get distracted and off topic easily, and I'm pretty sure I have a little ADD or ADHD but I don't really know. But lots of people think i'm pretty hilarious for some reason.
That brings me to someone who's on my mind a lot. That would be my boyfriend. Technically thats what he is, but we're a very disfunctional couple. We now go to different schools, he never bothers to call, and thanks to my lack of patience we're having quite a few issues right now. I kept meaning to break up wiht him but then one day he randomly tells me while I'm right in the middle of trying to win a uno game against a seven year old girl that he loves me. It make sthe whoel mess very complicated and very annoying for someone like me.
So welcome to my world, my life.
That's all i feel like telling you for now, but i do hope you come back and read again, I am a writer at heart so sometimes maybe you'll find my writing sounds a little poetic somedays. depends on my mood really. I hope you'll keep reading because I've always thought it would be cool to have random people i don't know reading about me, thinking about me, and relating to my problems, and possibly offering the advice that my friends never seem to have because at 14 no one else knows what it's like to be the only white kid or have someone you don't exactly love tell you they love you.
So thanks for reading. :)
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